20w6d

Dear Sweetie,

It’s been a week since we found out you’re a little (growing) lady! 

Daddy got to come to the ultrasound and see you for the first time. His first freak-out moment came when we saw your strong little heart pumping. “Woah… And that’s a real heart… WOAH.” We could see the chambers and the blood flowing in and out. It was magical. All your organs and limbs are right on track and it was lots of fun to see how complex you’ve become. My favorite part was your spine. Can’t believe how long and strong you’re getting in there.

We tried but couldn’t get you to flip over and let us get a good photo of your facial profile. But we did get a sweet look at your lips & nose. The tech switched over to the 3-D ultrasound to try and get a good one of your beautiful face but you were holding your nose and we couldn’t see you! Funny girl, must have been feeling shy. I wonder if you’re a thumb sucker like your momma, or if you’ll stay left-handed like your daddy used to be (before the U.S. education system forced him to be a righty, which I promise would never happen to you on my watch.)

When we went down to see if you were a boy or a girl it was pretty obvious right away who you were 🙂 I got teary, and Daddy squeezed my hand super tight. It felt like for a while all the air left the room as we tried to wrap our heads around the destiny of our first daughter.

Our daughter…

Daddy is in the shower right now singing If I Ever Leave This World Alive by Flogging Molly. About 3 years ago he told me he had a vision of him singing that song in the car to his daughter in the front seat. I have always known he was meant to be a daddy to a girl. He will be so wonderful. Loving, supportive, adoring and proud. And Sweetie, no matter how tough he tries to be, you’ll always have him wrapped around your finger. You’re sure to be a Daddy’s Girl.

But don’t you ever forget that you’re mine too. You’re my first baby. My first positive pregnancy test. My first exciting gender reveal. My first morning sickness. My first tummy stretch marks. My first little kicks. Oh, those precious kicks… You’re actually kicking me as I type this. I can think of few things I love as much as these sweet nudges. You’re so active, and you love when Daddy holds his hand on my tummy to feel you move. 

I hope you like me singing to you. I hope it’s comfy in there. I hope you know nothing of life but love.

My sweet daughter, I don’t know your name yet. While it brings me some anxiety not knowing what to call you, I’m strangely fine with it for now. Your persona to me has been a beautiful nameless wonder so far. I get little feelings about you sometimes. The other night God told me about your mind, how smart you are, how clever. I asked Daddy if he had heard anything yet and he just said, “Grapes.” The next day I bought a big bag of grapes and I can’t stop eating them.

I don’t know you very well just yet but I know you are special. I feel like I’ve known all along you’re a girl, even though I really haven’t. But it makes perfect sense now that we know. Like the bits of your soul that I can sense have just always said so. I couldn’t be happier about it. I really couldn’t.

Hello, Sweetie. I’m your momma. I love you more than I can keep up with recognizing. It’s overwhelming and encompassing. It’s terrifying and wonderful. I feel like this is what I’ve always been made to do. You are my greatest adventure.

I love you.

Always, 

Momma

  

19w2d

Can I even? No. No I cannot.  

 We find out the gender on Thursday!
Hubs has a final flight exam tomorrow,  we still only have one working vehicle, and one of my dogs has an ear infection but SOMEHOW I’ll make it to Thursday and it will be glorious!

Baby T has been kicking up a storm lately. It responds a lot when I am gassy or digesting. When hubs pushes down on my tummy, it moves like crazy and kicks pretty hard. Totally freaks him out, it’s hilarious. I love feeling baby moving. It’s so comforting and weird. Little alien thing.

Starting to gain weight as my appetite is coming back. Continuing to have a really hard time sleeping. If only I could sleep on my back! My acne is starting to clear up, though the redness and scarring remains. Been using tea tree oil almost exclusively for treatment, and it feels a lot better than trying to fight it with salicylic acid or benzoyl peroxide. Healthier for baby too.

Starting to consider my birth control options after we have the baby, really looking into an IUD. My body has not responded to hormonal manipulation well in the past, and I would hate to have to go through adjusting back to the pill. And then another adjustment period with trying to get pregnant again later on. It’s just a bad cycle, and it would be nice to look into the hormone-less options out there like Paraguard. We want the kids to be 2-3 years apart each (not sure how many we want to have just yet) so although IUDs are meant to last for several years, you can remove them at any time, and I like that level of control. Just something to think about.

Guys, the Target.com registry can add items from other websites now. Excuse me while I fall into a deep Etsy black hole for the next couple hours… Cya.

18w1d

Little nudges.

That’s how I describe what these first magical kicks from baby feel like. They’re rare and faint. A couple inches below my belly button is where I’ve felt them strongest. I poke at the area to try to get baby to keep kickin. It’s most active before I go to sleep and when I wake up, laying on my back and keeping really still.

Precious little nudges.

My little nugget’s nudges.

Baby’s nearly 1lb now, and 5 inches or so long. I’m honing in on the halfway point here in the next couple weeks. It’s weird with my due date being Jan 1, cause my countdown is easy – however many days are left in 2015.

Had my first swelling incident the other day. I went to a botanical gardens with a friend and it was a pretty warm day, not excruciatingly hot. The whole walk took us about two hours. When we got back inside I went to the restroom and I didn’t notice it till I was washing my hands how swollen they were. They were huge! I couldn’t budge my wedding ring at all. They were all red and puffy and crazy uncomfortable. I went out and showed my friend who said I must have had an allergic reaction to a plant I touched or something. It obviously wasn’t that, I was reacting to the heat and my increased blood volume. Crazy times.

I hope I don’t get super swollen in my 3rd trimester. It just seems so uncomfortable. If it happens it happens I guess but at least it will be winter. 3rd trimester in the summer would be a nightmare.

I’m sensing an increase in appetite this week and I need to try to keep that in check. I’m worried about gaining too much weight too fast. I already have stretch marks around my belly button, need to cave and get some cocoa butter stuff.

So thankful hubs comes home from his trip for work today! I realized how much just having him around means to me support-wise. Also he’s just a wonderful husband and best friend. Deployments might be the death of me. (Coming March 2016…)

In other news our second pup caught our first pup’s stomach bug from a couple weeks ago. It means at least two trips outside in the middle of the night and lots of carpet cleaner usage for the second time in a month. Poor baby looks so sad and scared though. I guess it’s preparing me for baby sleep deprivation.

Also my dogs killed a bird yesterday and I lost my freaking mind.

#parenthood