We’ve all seen the posts. The sappy, romantic, love-letter-like, nearly obsessive social media posts that significant others put out there about each other. Sometimes the “Man-crush Mondays” and “Woman-crush Wednesdays” can be almost nauseating to scroll through each week, especially if that particular person seems to want to boast about their bae what seems like every day of the week.
Annoying as these over-posters may be, I have to admit… I have caught myself feeling jealous of the women whose beaus gush and ogle over them online for everyone to see. It’s a strange female urge, I think, to feel adored, loved, even boasted about. As a gender we tend to be more openly self-conscious than men, feeling that we need the men in our lives to provide us with the self-confidence and self-worth we desire. I can’t think of any girl who wouldn’t like a boy to post a flattering selfie of her to Instagram for #wcw. It’s like an insta-ego boost.
My husband and I have been together for over 6 years, dating back to my high school days. I can count on one hand how many times he has posted anything online that was specifically aimed to admire me as his girlfriend or wife, and I have never been anyone’s #wcw. He doesn’t comment on my photos telling me how “gorgeous” or “hot” I am to him, and I don’t get the “I love you too, baby’s” whenever I post something admiring him. We’re happily married, and very much in love. So why doesn’t he want to show me off to the cyber world?
Because he doesn’t have to.
My husband doesn’t need to tell his followers he loves me, because he just does. So he doesn’t say I’m his woman-crush Wednesday. Maybe instead, he lets me have the cinnamon roll with the most icing on it first. Or massages my back when I’m having a bad ache. Or vacuums up the dog hair so I don’t have to. Or gives me a kiss on the forehead when I keep him awake with my tossing and turning at night.
He doesn’t need to tell the world about his love for me, because he already does it with his actions. You know that old saying “actions speak louder than words?” It’s not a saying for no reason.
I finally realized, when it comes down to it, I would much rather have a surprise hug from behind than a boastful statement made about me on Facebook. I can easily do without him sharing that “Share if your wife is a hottie!” post, when he continues to be actively faithful in our marriage day by day.
When I was able to grasp that perspective, I realized the problem with feeling social media envy is my problem, not his. That desire to be boasted about online isn’t his responsibility to satiate, because at the end of the day, it’s just irrational envy. Based solely on my husband’s actions in our relationship, I should feel more than secure enough in myself and how he truly feels about me, without him having to broadcast it for the world to see. He put a ring on my finger. He promised before God and our families to be the best man he can be for me. He sacrifices himself daily for this country as a US Airman. What more should I feel bold enough to ask for?
So that got me thinking. All those times I sit around getting nostalgic or mushy feeling, and I have the urge to post yet another memory of us for Throwback Thursday, maybe instead I should show my love for my husband in a way that actually speaks to him. Maybe I whip up a batch of his favorite homemade cookies. Maybe I surprise him at the door after work with a big sexy make-out session. Maybe instead of posting that I’m so honored to be his wife, I actually tell him face to face.
Not only do I not need him to brag about me to others in a social media forum, he doesn’t need me to either. We can find security in the daily acts of service we make for our marriage, for each other.
So when my husband inevitably shares that new Star Wars trailer for the third time this week, you won’t see me complain. Because I know he would rather see it in theaters on opening night with no one more than me 😉
P.S. I in no way mean to condemn or criticize everyone who posts about their significant others online. If such words of affirmation are his/her love language, I hope you are showering them with love in this way! However, as with any topic one could choose to post about online, I feel that when it becomes excessive (in frequency or content) it can be a little too much.
Thanks for reading!
QueenLionheart 
Thank you for sharing! Wow. This resounded with me because I have very similar feelings and experiences with my husband! I’m not sure it’s ever bothered me, but it’s crossed my mind for sure! However I LOVED the part where you said that instead of perhaps making another post proclaiming your love(not to say you can’t do that as well! But don’t let your affection and admiration stop there), making a choice to show love by real world actions and how much you love and adore him, with remembering simple things, like his favorite cookies! As for the Star Wars trailer I LOVED that example too😂😍 my husband loves soccer and posts about it all day long. I know that he wont go to a game unless I was comin to scream and cheer by him! This gesture and so many other random sweet things he constantly does make me feel so treasured. Thank you again for sharing!
Ps, thank your husband for serving our country with the excellence that he does!
Blessings,
Nia
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I love this article. Well said. My boyfriend is not into the whole social media phenomenon. He does have a Facebook but that is mainly use from keeping up with his car buddies. He is also in Air Force so he uses it to get keep up with his brothers and sisters. He rarely goes on. This morning he surprised me after work around 12:30 am after waiting since 10:30 pm with dinner, my favorite Wasabi’s, at my job. Those little surprises and his actions tells and shows that he cares and loves me. I am okay with not being his WCW or have him confess his love on social media. We are both private people when it comes to us.
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Read this to my girlfriend because this article is an auto biography of our relationship. It was followed by an eye roll and a whisper to herself men are dogs”, lord help me lol.
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It doesn’t bother me one bit that my husband does not post about me on FB, in fact I’d rather him not and he knows that and I’m grateful he respects my wishes. The only caveat for me in this story is that I do not need a man, in any shape, form or fashion to validate me and my existence. I do not need one to give me self-worth and my self confidence and self esteem are just fine without a man’s approval. That is one of the problems women still face even in the 21st century, for some reason we are indoctrinated to believe we need a man in our life to be complete and give us purpose for being here, NOT… I just wish I could convey that to every young girl out there. All life would not exist without a female to birth it and that should be validation enough.
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I agree with what you’re saying, but it doesn’t have anything to do with the point of THIS article. You’re a bit off the mark. Her point is not about a man validating a woman’s self-worth in a relationship…it’s about a man validating his LOVE for his significant other, which a man SHOULD do in some way or another. Whether that be helping with cooking, cuddling you while watching a movie, buying flowers on a random day, poking his head into the bathroom to say i love you quickly before jetting out the door……all actions that can be equated with “love”. It’s about paying attention to YOUR own love language with your spouse and not getting caught up in the way others admonish their love to each other. She is just using her own case as an example. She is saying that he is always proving HIS love for HER, and in turn those things do boost a woman’s confidence and self esteem in a relationship. His love has those effects on her, not that she has no self esteem or confidence without them. Hope that makes this article sound better to you ^_^
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Well said!
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Thank you for this post!! My son who is currently serving in the Army, has now had to call his wedding off bc of this very type of insecurity!! Sadly, she needs this type of love given to get constantly, and it has now caused the wedding to be called off.
Our love doesn’t come from social media, what would women like this has done when social media wasn’t around??
Thank you again.
I shared this, so that maybe another young lady will get it together and realize her self-worth comes from within not on a computer !
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Thank you so much for commenting, I’m very sad to hear about their wedding plans being cancelled. Please be sure to thank your son for his service from my husband and me would you?
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I’m sorry you can only see your sons side in this.
His fiancée is bankrupt in one of the LOVE languages. Everyone has something they do or say to show love. And everyone has something they want said or done to feel loved.
The fact of the matter is, whether your son felt it was stupid and irrelevant to post affirmations on social media, doesn’t matter. IT MATTERS TO HER. So he could do all the other things to show his love, but if she’s looking for social media affirmations, her love bucket is still empty.
Just as if “acts of kindness” were his need, if she just told him she loves him 24/7, it still doesn’t fill that need he has.
They needed counselling, not a meddling mom and break-up
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My boyfriend and I don’t post about each other. I think it would make me feel awkward and self conscious around my teenaged children and family. He shows me that he loves me in everything he does. Thank you for writing this. I’m more than happy to see this in my newsfeed and not more sappy love posts that my teen girls do not need to see.
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Very well written piece, and one that I wholeheartedly agree with! Trust me, some guys (me included) find ourselves just as jealous of the ones who constantly post about how much they love and adore their women. Wow I think there are definitely men and women out there who not only excessively post about how much they love their significant others but show it as well, I feel there are others who only do it to rub it in other peoples faces and that’s what I don’t like.
PS as others have said, thanks to your husband for his service to this country. Very much appreciated!
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Wow, did this hit home with me! I have struggled with those feelings of jealousy over others who post about how much they love their significant other and even about my husband liking others posts or pics but not liking mine… The points you’ve made have really made me think and put things back into perspective, thank you!!! Like you said, he put the ring on my finger I don’t need a “like” on my latest favorite quote to make me feel that my husband cares!!
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my words written by you ….
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^ my exact feelings
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THANK you for sharing this!! I have a few social media friends, well, ONE in particular who posts 40 comments every day about her man who after only a few months is now her husband. It was cute at first but now it’s just sad. Sad that the ONLY thing she posts about is her wonderful husband. It makes you wonder, who is she trying to convince that her life and relationship is so awesome? Facebook or herself? At first i was envious and a bit jealous but not anymore. There is nothing to envy when you quit school and your job and your ENTIRE LIFE revolves around ‘your best friend’- ONE MAN. That just has DANGER written all over it unless that ONE MAN is God and I’m fairly certain hers is NOT… Oh, and most importantly- THANK you to your husband for his faithful service to your family AND our country!!! ~Lysa
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As a woman who has been married 33 years I can tell you that this post is awesome. There is a higher level of emotional security in not posting your love life on FB etc. If you need your husband/boyfriend to validate you on social media, then you have bigger problems to deal with. Our love for each other is not measured in how many #wcw #mcm we post. Thank goodness!!!!!
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Since you’ve been married for 33 years, you don’t comprehend the importance of social media to this generation and culture. It’s not about “public validation” out of inaecurity. What people post on social media is the things they are most passionate about. If your husband posts about everything except you then THAT is a sign there is probably something wrong. In fact, one of the biggest indicators that a couple is about to get divorced is the rapid decline in posts. Quit being judgmental about how someone shows their love just because it isn’t the way you used to. This generation isn’t self-absorbed because of social media and selfies and whatever else. It just uses completely different means of communication.
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I wasn’t being judgmental and I’m sorry you read that into my post. My husband and I are very “into” social media. We both have Facebook and Twitter. I have IG and Pinterest. I actually thought your post was very good and enjoyed reading it. I have children who are 26 and 29 years of age and who are very mature and very much dislike the things they see their peers putting on FB, IG, Snap chat, etc. My husband and I are very involved with this generation. We are very young thinkers. We have friends who are in their 20’s and 30’s who come to our house to hang out. Yes, I do comprehend the importance of social media. I think maybe you were too quick to judge my comment and that maybe you should re-read what I wrote. I was being very complimentary to your post and validating what you had written.
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I completely disagree. I am currently reading the book “Margin” by Dr. Richard Swenson and he discusses this and other things that have brought our communities and families to near collapse. Less time on social media and more time with loved ones is what is called for. People matter; things don’t. Computers, mp3 players and I-phones are things, and a lot of times people use them to escape their lives. Sometimes they only do what everyone else is doing, after all, culture dictates behavior and vise versa. In the process, though, they end up escaping lives they don’t have any intention of escaping.
Instead of assuming people are on the brink of divorce just because you don’t see them post as much on Facebook or other social media, maybe it’s within the realm of possibility that they have decided to live their lives instead of squandering time looking at a screen all day.
Not too long ago, my cousin announced on Facebook that she would be doing exactly that, and if anyone needed her to call her because she was taking a sabbatical from social media.
I don’t think the author was being judgmental. She was merely pointing out that men and women are different. They are wired differently. Men are normally less verbal. Besides all that individuals really do have different love languages. Just because your husband’s love language isn’t words of affirmation doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. My husband’s love language is service: cleaning my car, keeping the oil changed, doing laundry, mopping the kitchen, vacuuming, pulling me in close at night when he sleeps.
I believe the author helped a lot of women understand that they don’t NEED gushing posts to feel loved by their husbands. It’s good to take a step back and evaluate what we’re feeling, and coveting another lady’s relationship is not a good thing. We can read what she writes on Facebook or Twitter, but, in REALITY, we have absolutely no idea what her marriage is really like.
Oftentimes the Internet doesn’t tell the true story, hence, the saying, “You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet.”
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I completely disagree. I am currently reading the book “Margin” by Dr. Richard Swenson and he discusses this and other things that have brought our communities and families to near collapse. Less time on social media and more time with loved ones is what is called for. People matter; things don’t. Computers, mp3 players and I-phones are things, and a lot of times people use them to escape their lives. Sometimes they only do what everyone else is doing, after all, culture dictates behavior and vise versa. In the process, though, they end up escaping lives they don’t have any intention of escaping.
Instead of assuming people are on the brink of divorce just because you don’t see them post as much on Facebook or other social media, maybe it’s within the realm of possibility that they have decided to live their lives instead of squandering time looking at a screen all day.
Not too long ago, my cousin announced on Facebook that she would be doing exactly that, and if anyone needed her to call her because she was taking a sabbatical from social media.
I don’t think the author was being judgmental. She was merely pointing out that men and women are different. They are wired differently. Men are normally less verbal. Besides all that individuals really do have different love languages. Just because your husband’s love language isn’t words of affirmation doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. My husband’s love language is service: cleaning my car, keeping the oil changed, doing laundry, mopping the kitchen, vacuuming, pulling me in close at night when he sleeps.
I believe the author helped a lot of women understand that they don’t NEED gushing posts to feel loved by their husbands. It’s good to take a step back and evaluate what we’re feeling, and coveting another lady’s relationship is not a good thing. We can read what she writes on Facebook or Twitter, but, in REALITY, we have absolutely no idea what her marriage is really like.
Oftentimes the Internet doesn’t tell the true story, hence, the saying, “You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet.”
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Coming from someone whos only been married for 5 years: yes this generation is self absorbed because of all the selfies, not getting enough likes on posts, and posting about every personal detail of their life. (then are upset, when everyone knows their business or are talking behind their back.) All of these young girls thinking they need to be showing cleavage and butt cheeks in things I myself couldn’t imagine wearing then or now. Young girls getting bullied on the internet or feeling “unpopular” because they only have 5 likes on a photo. So yes, this generation is very self loving and care more about material items, than friends & family. I dont like the world my daughter will have to grow up in because of all the selfishness.
As for you telling someone not to be judgemental, its kind of the pot calling the kettle black when you assume when someone is getting a divorce when there are not enough “love testimonials” of each other. My husband and I have a great marriage and don’t have to confess our love on a computer daily. (that’s because we aren’t glued to a monitor, we are spending time with each other, what couples are supoose to do!)
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Actually, I am from this generation and I agree with the original comment. Nowhere did she claim that this generation is self-absorbed. She just claimed the importance of a higher intimacy outside of social media. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year, but have never felt a need to share our feelings for each other over social media. We share it with each other through words and actions. That is what is really important.
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I would have to disagree.. I know a man who has been married for over ten years and posted on social media that his wife was his “soul mate” and “best friend” and a week later went to spend the weekend with his “other woman”. I believe those that are genuinely happy do not have to spend their time convincing the world that they are!!
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I’m sorry, but I have to disagree with you. My husband and I post about everything EXCEPT each other on Facebook. We are both millennials (I’m assuming that’s the generation you’re referring to) and have been together since high school (back when we DID post about each other because it had become the cool and normal thing to do). We stopped posting about each other regularly long before we got married, and stopped completely soon after. We’ve been married five years now. Just sayin’.
If it is in fact true that a decline in posts is an indication of a couple’s impending divorce, than my husband and I should have been divorced a long time ago. I would argue that your statement illustrates the exact opposite of the point you’re trying to make. A decline in posts an an indicator of divorce? How would that NOT indicate that a relationship is too dependent on public validation? To me, that has insecurity written all over it.
If the comment you responded to had actually accused our generation of being self-absorbed, I would have agreed. Social media HAS made millennials more self-absorbed than previous generations. That’s just the nature of social media – it’s all about YOU and what YOU’RE passionate about. Like you said, right?
I’m not bashing social media here. I participate right along with everyone else, and I enjoy the benefits of it as a primary form of communication. But let’s not pretend that it’s anything other than self-absorbed. And let’s not mistake #wcw’s and #mcm’s, and any other fleeting facebook trend, for true acts of love and devotion. It takes almost zero effort to make a post to Facebook; it used to take hours to write a single love letter. Social media IS a different form of communication; a more convenient one, and quite frankly, a lazier and shallower one.
Get off your high horse my fellow millennial. Someone that’s been married for 33 years is probably someone we should look to for insight into what a meaningful and fulfilling marriage/relationship looks like. Your friends on Facebook that are divorced because of their neglecting to post about each other, are probably not the best example.
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“And let’s not mistake #wcw’s and #mcm’s, and any other fleeting facebook trend, for true acts of love and devotion.”
Well said!
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Studies show that people actually DO post stuff for social validation and to get a confidence boost. Someone must have struck a nerve with you.
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Reblogged this on I'd Rather be Single. and commented:
A great read for anyone in relationships or who has opinions about posting on social media while in relationships.
This author shares a pretty similar outlook as myself in that my boyfriend and I are not incredibly open about our relationship on social media. We barely have any interaction on Facebook, probably because I only use it for work purposes, and he isn’t on Twitter or Instagram. Keeping our relationship to ourselves gives us the chance to appreciate each other in person and really share those special moments together. Every once in a while we will post things about each other, but mainly it would be sharing a picture or something along those lines. Either way, even though we are not professing our love for each other on social media every week, it doesn’t change the love that we do have an share for each other on a daily basis.
Like this original author stated, this is not meant to bash those that do enjoy expressing these feelings on social media and sharing with everyone. More power to you if that is what you want to do and what works for your relationship.
Enjoy the reading all!
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You mentioned something about “love languages” that I think is key. I would LOVE for my man to post publicly his affection for me IF he had a Facebook. On the other hand, I know he is a private person so I could understand him not doing it. If you are a person reading this whose significant other would love this sort of thing, just go ahead and do it. You will be glad you did because you are “making a deposit” in his/her love bank that will grow interest. If you want, but are not getting, this sort of attention, perhaps you should suggest a “Love Language” webinar with your spouse. In the meantime, try to understand his/her point of view and don’t get your undies in a bunch over it.
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It’s not what he say, The most important thing is how he treat you, I have been married 42.6 years and we love each other as always, we have our up and down but we stick together like fine wine, There is no need to put it on social media, your private life is your to cherish with each other. not the social media, because sometime Men post only to make you feel good, there is no need to post on social media if you are true to your lady. You should feel good about yourself without a posting on social media, it can sometime destroy a marriage. love with your heart because your marriage is a temple for only you and your husband to enjoy, not the world, I’m a military wife with over 24 year with him on active duty and 10.6 years before he was in the military, and 8 since he retire and still hanging in there, ladies keep your marriage strong keep the social media out of your life. if a man love you, his love is from the heart and no one need to no that, But you and him.
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If he wants to brag about how awesome you are he would. Maybe he doesn’t for a reason unknown to you. I know a MAN who is constantly boasting about his amazing wife on and offline. And you know what? She deserves it. She deserves all the praise he gives for being just as amazing to him as he is to her. He’s hiding you from the public and that is laughable
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Chrissy, I allowed your comment to be visible because I want people to see the viewpoint that made me want to write this post in the first place. There are MANY men out there who don’t post mushy things about their spouses very often simply because they believe they don’t have to. Perspectives like yours are what hurts many people in relationships today, making them feel that there is something intrinsically wrong with their relationship if their significant other doesn’t gush about them constantly. This is a poisonous mindset, which breeds insecurity and hurt. My post aims to bring peace to these people, to just rest in the understanding that their significant other simply speaks another language of love, and to focus on those messages rather than worry about not having it put out there publicly. Thank you for commenting, so that I could point this out. I appreciate you sharing your opinion, however rude you may have chosen to voice it.
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I rarely feel compelled to comment on posts but I felt the need to comment on this one. I’m not a very emotional woman. I experience joy, sadness and other emotions but I don’t always express exactly what I’m feeling. I would just rather not. I think I posted an MCM one time – on a birthday or anniversary. I love my husband dearly and he knows that but I feel no need to write it online and therefore I don’t expect it or need it from him. Honestly, I’m relieved to be in a mature relationship that doesn’t try to analyze someone’s thoughts based upon things that they do or do not do. If I worry about his happiness, I talk to him directly – I don’t analyze his posting habits or content. Moreover I’m glad he doesn’t feel like he has to prove his love. To say that someone isn’t loved because they aren’t posted about is silly, shallow and shortsighted. Not posting gushy comments is a far cry from “hiding someone from the world”.
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Some people just don’t get it. They are too self absorbed. Quite sad actually. Those insecurities are more than enough to wreck any relationship! People have let social media control WAY too much of their lives.
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What gives you the right to say her view point isn’t the right one? And yours is?
Everyone goes about being in a relationship many different ways! Just because yours don’t invoice social media do not down the next persons relationship that does use social Media! Also who’s to say a man or woman can’t announce there love they have for there spouse over social media and outside of it! People like you judging others and saying your way/belief is the only right way is ignorant! 😘 thank you.
Ps it’s funny you allow certain comments lmfao show all those comments with people disagreeing with you!
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1. No where in my post do I say any way is more right than another.
2. This is my personal blog and I reserve the right to allow as much or as little negativity through as I please. If you would like to join with the many other critics out there, you’re free to comment on my HuffPost blog post.
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You are a very sad person.
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Chrissy, You are laughable! My boyfriend is a very private person. He doesn’t have a Facebook account but I Know that even if he did he wouldn’t post ANYTHING about me. I am completely aware of how he feels about me I do not NEED his FRIENDS’ approval on how sexy HE thinks I am! Think about it this way why would you want his friends to say that you’re sexy if you are truly happy with this man? I would feel awkward every time that friend was around if they were like “yea she’s smokin” or something similar. So you mean to say that YOU think that a MAN needs to shout it from the rooftops that he loves you, you cannot be serious! I don’t expect any of that from my boyfriend. We have been together for 10+ years, are very much in love and happy. So when he goes and does little things like unexpectedly brings home flowers for me it makes it all the more sweeter! I think that if I had a guy that did Constantly brag about me I’d be wondering our relationship was as secure as I thought.
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http://www.techtimes.com/articles/16823/20140930/picture-perfect-couples-who-brag-facebook-more-rocky-relationship.htm
Check it out!
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Very rude!
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I see the same thing on my social media accounts everyday. It’s the same people bragging about how hot or how sexy their significant other is. I always see the the posts that say “my wife is sexier than your wife”, for example. Every time I see these posts, I always wonder what it is that they’re over compensating for.
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so true! i know many people personally who post their partners 24/7 and i know for a fact their household is miserable and their man isn’t always faithful. I feel so much of our lives are tracked, recorded and posted, your relationship and family should be the one thing you should be able to keep sacred. Sacred and a secret are two different things. Like someone said earlier…what did people do before social media? I’m not knocking anyone but people’s social media accounts are their highest selves so we have no clue what they are really dealing with so try not to compare. Your relationship may be going a lot better than you think, don’t let social media ruin you 🙂
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This is quite appropriate and hits the preverbal nail on the head! My husband and I adore each other, and speak of it and show it daily. The proof is in the pudding. Everyone around us knows how we feel about one another, and from time to time, a post will slip through confirming it to the cyber world! But whats more than that, is the midnight talks, and the never ending dedication we shower each other with daily…and before we close our eyes each night, the promise we make to each other that he is “mine” and I am “his”. Exclusively.
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Wow ! Talk about seeing something when you need it ! I’m definitely guilty of those jealousy feelings and trust me it has nothing to do with “needing to be validated by men to feel self worth” but it has everything to do with wanting MY man to still find me beautiful, funny, intelligent and worthy. It has to do with just wanting to know that you’re doing something right and you make his world just as fulfilled as he yours. But this has definitely brought great points up -I’m actually going to share this with my husband and apologize for any time I’ve “nagged” about why he doesn’t share posts or make me his wcw 🙂 and happy early Veterans Day to everyone –including my army hubby !
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Thank you for commenting, TS. Your response is why I wrote this blog post, and I’m so glad you’re paying it forward with positivity towards your husband! Please thank him for his service, and you as well – being a military spouse is a service as well!
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I am so sorry for all the negative feedback you’ve gotten. You should have no regrets over what you’ve written. It was a delightful and thought-provoking piece. 🙂
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Is it all right if I link this article in my blog? I really think this is exceptional insight and could help countless others.
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Feel free! And thanks so much!
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Very well said! I mean I love the adoration I get from my Fiancé on social media, but you have a very solid point. Love is between 2 people, not 2 people and social media. Share accordingly. I agree with you, maybe I’ll go make some cookies 🙂
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My husband takes to social media to gush about me, he also does it in person to me everyday. He is just one of those types of people. He says “I’m in love with you” instead of just “I love you”- he uses his words and his actions to show me he cares. I wish I were as considerate as he is but we all have our own things right? I do wonder where all the skepticism come from though. I never thought much about how those statuses were perceived until recently when reading other people suggest that someone like that was “hiding something” or “making up for something lacking in their relationship”. I knew that I felt a bit ackward but never thought it invoked such disbelief from others- not sure why I’m commenting except to show how interesting I think that thought process is and how irrelevant it is in my particular situation.
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Thank you for commenting, I think the way your husband communicates his love to you is really cool! And I’m really pleased to see this conversation being opened among couples and singles alike. No bashing or condemning any form of communication here, it sounds like you and I have been able to learn and appreciate how love communication works in our individual relationships.
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Shanna I totally agree with your post…..I am that man that does all those same things to my wife….24 yrs….and I don’t understand why people seem to think…that romance and lasting love is untrue…smh…thank you for your post….you have a good man…..I know I am still in-love with my wife after 24 yrs….
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This was a great message for me to see. My fiance and I sound similar to you and your husband. I post things about our trips, fun with family or friends, but very rarely any mushy stuff. (I’ll admit to an occasional proclomation of love or thanking him for a great night out.) He posts things about cars, politics, and the Three Stooges. I don’t mind at all! I like his posts, and he likes mine. The love he shows me in person is what matters. He sends me cards in the mail and the sweetests love notes are slipped under doors. Feeling his love on a daily basis is what brings me joy and fills my heart! The one thing I do love though… He has both of us in his profile picture. I can’t lie… That makes me feel good.
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I can totally relate to this. My husband is wonderful and shows me every day he loves me, in more ways than I can count, but rarely if ever will he post to Facebook about it. Like you I think I can count the times he’s done it in the past 5 years on one hand! I love that about him. He treats me like a queen, and no one know it but me, we’ll and our kids lol. They get super grossed out when we cuddle, hold hands, or lord forbid kiss! Haha. Love your post.
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This gave me life i personally struggle with this and the feeling of being hidden hurts….. ive spoken with my SO who doesn’t do this for me and his reasoning he is a private person… not once while i was pregnant or once our child was born, did he boast about me or our family growing… Sometimes it just hurts
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LOVE THIS! I get so tired of reading this type of crap every day on my newsfeed. I am happily married and I know my husband loves me. There is no need to announce it to the world on a daily basis. This is not a contest lol
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The only social media I have is Facebook. My hubby deleted the only social media account he had (Facebook) 5 years ago. I used to struggle with not posting any pictures of him on my FB and would be a little sad about seeing others’ couple pictures like weddings. He’s military and doesn’t want his face online at all so I respected that. Even when he had a Fb he never posted pictures of me or even changed his relationship status. I got over it because he completely shows it in person and is an amazing husband. He’s just not a computer person! And I learned how to photoshop lol. Thanks for this article!
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Please thank your husband for his service and Happy Veterans Day!
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Wow! I can’t even begin to tell you how much this resounded with me! I have struggled with some of these exact thoughts for the last 5 years that’s my husband and I have been together! Your post has encouraged me more that anyone else’s words could have. As I was reading it I was totally thrown off because I almost felt as if I was reading my own words! My husband is in the Navy and sacrifices everyday for me and his country and I think that sometimes I forget that all too easily. The Star Wars example was 100% true for us as well. Truly I feel like you are a kindred spirit! Thank you for having the courage to write this post. Know that it has encouraged me and helped me to keep my perspective. God bless you! I just have a big smile on my face right now because I know that I’m not the only one with this struggle but also with this same understanding! Thank you!
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Thank you thank you thank you so much for your comment, it’s responses like yours that have made this all worth while. I’m so glad my words could bring you encouragement, it is very humbling. Like I’ve told my friends when they ask about how I feel about this post going viral, I just hope it brings glory to God and not to me. Thank your husband for his service, and to you as well (being a military spouse is a service too!). And happy veteran’s day!
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Maybe we’re in a different age bracket with different friends, but I just don’t see a lot of these “bragging” posts.
Those who do choose to conduct their relationships in this way aren’t always trying to make others jealous. It’s not always about a “need to brag.” There is nothing wrong with having a relationship in which a husband publicly praises his wife. I am very blessed to have a husband who shows me he loves me through his actions AND who understands that my love language is verbal/written affirmation. Not all his posts are about me (which I would not like) but when they are, I feel valued and loved.
On the other end of the spectrum, I see women whose accounts consist of “LOOK AT MY BOYFRIEND!!!!”, which tells me that she needs some self-esteem work. For some reason I almost never see men doing the same thing.
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I absolutely love this. This was an ongoing debate in our house for the longest and even after a post was made, I felt no different. Too many ppl glorify social media not because they are crazy about their spouse but for their own insecure reasons majority of the time. When I myself realized that the way he makes me feel was fine there was no other need for discussion. Thank you for sharing!
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Great minds think alike. I had this very epiphany yesterday. I decided to make a list of all the things my husband does to show his love in real life any time I get mopey about him not being publicly demonstrative of his feelings. Then I decided to show him some love the same way, kind acts of service that need no fanfare. So grateful for my quietly loving husband!
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I love this article so much. Thank you for sharing 🙂
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Thank you for this article, it’s such a wake up call for me! Because all my friends’ SO all post about them all the time, and my boyfriend doesn’t do that at all (we don’t even friends on facebook!) and it makes me feel bad.
And yes, actions speak louder than words!
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I agree completely that not all aspects of a relationship should be public on Facebook. Love is not determined by the amount of posts shared between a husband and wife or boyfriend and girlfriend.
However, I would like to make one request from a single girl’s perspective: If you are married/in a relationship PLEASE acknowledge it in some way on social media. Prominently post a wedding photo, list your spouse as a family member, set your relationship status to married/in a relationship, something. Otherwise, single people could be unintentionally hurt by you. (Yes, this is the voice of experience talking.)
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While I am not married I really enjoyed this article and completely agree when it comes across as overkill.
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Awesome post, why let social media validate your love for your SO.As long as you know it’s real screw the bs. I’m not married but I don’t boast much about my relationship, even though we’re really happy. I’m just private and so is he. We love each other very much and that’s all that matters. Besides if it doesn’t work no one’s embarrassed lol.
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Thank you, thank you, for this post, and for being perceptive enough to see all of this under a positive light. This spoke volumes to me, as I, too, had that bit of need and jealousy! After this, I am definitely going to change my outlook! 😁
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What do you think if the guy comments and likes other women’s photos but when it comes to his lady he doesn’t do that or post about her?
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Obviously that would bother anybody!
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This was really good! Boy, I had to scroll down a long way in order to leave a comment! Ha! By the way, that’s a GOOD thing.
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We are a society of idiots. My parents and grandparents are rolling in their graves. Social media and spousal love…. ridiculous.
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This all depends on how he is on “social media” if he has nicknames for all his friends & not you, that doesn’t fly. If he shares about every event but one involving you, not OK.
Yes it is what he physically does that matters most but shouldn’t he do both if that’s what he does about everything else except you?
Its not about exposure to a “fake show” if he has 100 “friends” following him or 100,000. I don’t need it 24/7 or even 50% of that on “social media”…SPECIFICALLY if he is simply not on social media as such. I am a grown woman and in my personal opinion and life experience when a man who IS social media hyped but does not hyped about you in social media [excluding business media], then he is just not hyped about you as much as you are about him. Each to his own. But, glad to read that you stopped and looked at the bigger picture which matters most:
What works for YOU and YOUR relationship.
Thank you for sharing 🙂
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Apparently I don’t know how the replying works! LOL I tried to reply to one of your commenters, and when I looked back on it it looked like I had replied to you instead! So I posted my reply again after clicking the “reply” under her comment, yet my comment went directly under the last comment I made. You may delete one of them. I don’t see the option or I would do it myself.
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This is exactly what I needed to read. I had been feeling the exact same way. Thanks.
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I needed this in my life, thanks for sharing. I’ve found myself feeling the same about my BF and we’ve even talked about it. It is “my” issue and I have to remind myself that, but your post reinforced how I need to think about the situation. Xoxo, ganeeban
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I really loved this article because i have felt this way many times but this speaks volumes. I have several articles that most generally when someone constantly displays their relationship on social media a lot of times they are feeling insecure about their relationship and after reading this i certainly believe that.
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that’s true,am happily married and we don’t share anything about us or our love on social media….thanks alot
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Hi Molly, I’m the editor for a viral platform called Faithit.com, and I’m totally in LOVE with this post! Would you be interested in granting us permission to run it on our site? I can be reached at kstraeter@outreach.com to discuss details. I look forward to hearing from you!
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I am beyond happy I have found this! My husband isn’t much for messing with his phone other than to play a game and I’ve been struggling lately with that. He’s also an Airman so every word of this struck home for me and I get it now.. Thank you so much (:
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This is awesome. My boyfriend doesnt use the internet. He doesnt even like pictures of himself being posted. Its few and far between I post about him at all. Sometimes I wonder what people think of it. We have to be one of the happiest couples in the world. But you wouldnt gather it from social media. Sometimes I feel left out. It kinda hurts. That he isnt interested in sharing a photo if us together. How silly is that?
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Hey Molly , thanks a lot for sharing this with us … I am not much of a reader and therefore rarely read through an entire article but this one caught my attention and I kind of loved it … I expect a lot from my partner and probably felt I needed attention on the social media front as well . After reading this I realise it’s more important to be in love and be together and happy than boasting about it all over the world 🙂 . Thanks a lot 🙂
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