Last night my husband and I were praying before sleep, and I decided we needed to break the cycle of just asking for things. Asking for favor at his job, asking for help fixing my broken car, asking for healing for his sprained knee, asking for his leave paperwork to go through so we can take our last trip home before the baby comes. Always asking. 

It’s not bad to ask for things. The bible says “ask and you shall receive.” So oftentimes we don’t receive because we don’t ask. Hubs has been great at getting my head around this fact, and not feeling guilty for asking things of God, who can orchestrate and provide anything I could possibly ask for. It’s just taken me some years of experiencing that grace to come to terms with it.

But last night after we were done praying for God to work in our lives, I just said, “Can we just list off a bunch of things we’re thankful for for a minute? Like anything at all.” From the health of our puppies to the rose bush in our front yard (blooming for the 3rd time this year!) we thanked the Father for everything He has provided for us, material and immaterial. 

Of course it brought us into the many immeasurable things to do with our growing daughter and my pregnancy to be thankful for. Hubs got silly at this point, “God, thank you that my wife is carrying this baby… So I don’t have to,” but I got teary thanking Him for the perfection of His design for not only her body, but mine to carry and develop her. And thanking Him for allowing us to take part in creation… It’s just so incredible. It’s humbling and overwhelming. 

By the end of us going through everything we could think of, I felt so amazing and at peace. And I realized that this is where I want to be right now. As long as I’m standing in a posture of gratitude towards God, I have peace and I stop wanting more. I realize what I have, all that I have, was freely given and is more than I could ever ask for or need. It’s interesting too, that the first things we mentioned were in general all material things, and then as the thankfulness continued it began to be more for immaterial things like our marriage and His presence in our home.

So today I’m choosing a posture of gratitude. I’m choosing to see the Him in everything. I’m choosing to stop asking and to just be thankful. But to know that when the time comes when I need to ask, to be thankful for the certainty that He will answer me.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” James 1:17


Stretch & Scare

We (I…) had a bit of a scary thing happen the other day. 

I started having a strong, sharp pain on the left side of my abdomen Tuesday afternoon. It started out in one area then felt like it was running from my ribs all the way down to my groin, all along the left side of my abdomen. Honestly started out feeling like a pulled muscle. But it progressively got really intense, hurting whether I was sitting, standing or laying down. 

I really got worried when it began hurting intensely when I urinated. I wasn’t even pushing my urine stream, and it was still a super stabbing pain. It was a constant battle all day of trying to fight off the evil thoughts and stay positive. Since I haven’t felt the baby move yet, it’s hard not to worry something could be wrong. I’ve been dying to be able to feel it move, just so I can have that peace of mind at the very least.

By the end of the night, I was in tears and the pain spiked at about an 8 on a scale of 1-10 when I urinated. I actually have a fairly high pain tolerance, too. Hubs immediately made me lay down and prayed over me. I love when he prays – he has a crazy gifting of faith in chaotic situations that makes me feel so at ease. We prayed that the pain would just melt away in my sleep. I was so scared in the moment I was just bawling. But I was able to fall asleep.

In the morning, the pain was gone. I could tell that I shouldn’t stretch or strain the area still, but I haven’t felt the same pain since. Hoping it was just this muscle that my registered massage therapist friend described that runs along the sides of my abdomen and can get crazy stretched during pregnancy. Over the last week my tummy has gotten a lot more pregnant looking so that would make sense.

Anywho, trying to see that little scare as a teaching moment to stay calm when I don’t know what’s happening, and just trust God’s design for my body. He wouldn’t put my body through something it couldn’t handle. He designed this process to be possible. He made my body to hold and grow my baby. I can do this without fear that I couldn’t manage the process. 

And also to remember that He has gifted me with an unbelievable husband who desires to love me like Jesus and be the best father to this little life that he can be. He’s doing a damn good job so far.


For the past few weeks, hubs and I have fallen asleep both with one hand on my tummy over where baby is growing. He doesn’t say anything usually but I know we are both praying. Sweet prayers and tough prayers. The typical “God let this baby grow healthy and well with no complications.” And also the “Lord we pray against allergies, we pray against asthma, we pray against generational curses and mental disabilities.” Why not be specific? Ask and you shall receive.

A few days ago my friend and I were talking on the phone and she made a great point about parenting. We were discussing the sickness in parents today who are obsessive over their children to the point where they love them more than they love their spouse or the Lord. She said the thing is, the child isn’t yours. It’s God’s. From the moment it’s born, you give it to God. You surrender this baby to God’s will. You trust and you let go. You put aside your narcissism and obsessive love (both natural feelings) and you accept that this human being is going to have his/her own path in life, and his/her own relationship with the Creator. As parents we can influence and nurture as much as we choose, but at the end of the day, free will is a gift given to everyone. 

Last night hubs and I were talking about how neither of us has really gotten any spiritual connection to the baby so far. Contrary to my expectations, I have no idea who I am carrying. I have no clue as to the gender, or anything else. The only connection I have to it is the fact that I know it’s there because of how my body is changing around it. It’s been a little disappointing.

But hubs brought up a good point. Maybe God is guarding us from feeling a spiritual or otherwise connection to emphasize to us that the baby is His. He is gifting us with the beautiful opportunity to love and call it our son or daughter. As I tried to make sense of it in my head, hubs got a great word from the Holy Spirit:

God is the Gardener. He plans it all out and plants the seed, providing it with everything it needs to grow tall and strong, and bring him glory. We are the sun and the soil. We nurture the plant and see that it follows God’s plan for it as best we can. But it’s not our garden. The garden is only there to bring glory to God.

Definitely rang true in our hearts. #parenthoodiscool